My love bombing day with my daughter…

love bombing

Love bombing as I discovered was easier to recommend to parents than necessarily doing myself!  At the last Managing Behaviour 2 session at Heathfield School I recommended “love bombing” as a way of building a more positive relationship with your children.  The psychologist Oliver James recommends it as a way of resetting the emotional thermostat so I thought I would give it a go.

Anyway, it was harder than I thought, perhaps this was more about my need to be in control than I thought!  Oliver James recommends 24-48 hours of one-to-one time with your child where they have control over what you.  You then go on to have weekly “love bombing” time to keep things going in the right direction.

I could only give my daughter 12 hours and she wanted to go shopping in Bristol, and she was in charge!

Her highlight was spending hours looking at make-up in Debenhams, not exactly a subject I know much about.  I thought Urban Decay was about inner-city challenges – but no, it is very expensive make-up, I nearly collapsed when she wanted an eyeshadow palette for £37 – talk about manipulative advertising… I was not convinced, even though she kept saying “But this is my day…”.  We then visited and queued in all the usual teenage shops and she was delighted with things she decided to buy.

Love bombing is definitely worth the effort.  It gives you an insight into your teenager’s world and in my daughter’s case, how retailers manipulate our teenagers through slick advertising.

The constant messages were “you can’t be happy until you have purchased…”, “If you buy… you’ll be so much more confident and popular.”  And yet our teenagers fall for them every time, and to some degree it is necessary as they do like to fit in, but we need to encourage them to see through what they are being bombarded with by clever and manipulative retailers.  At this point I won’t even mention the £15 we paid for a Sacconejoly’s 2015 calendar… don’t ask.

She has a ready said she wants another love bombing day next year in Bristol and will now save up enough to buy the eyeshadow palette… she has a year to convince me!

About Ruth James

I am a mum with 3 daughters who runs workshops for parents of teenagers. In 2019 I launched the Taunton Parenting Cafe and will be developing new and innovative workshops to support and encourage parents of children from 9yrs+
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