Why does my teenager never listen to me?!

listening

“Learn to listen to hear rather than listen to reply” Now, therein lies my problem, I am basically quite an impatient person and often interrupt conversations because I’m bored or want the person to get the point or, reluctantly admit, I want my input as my views are, of course, more important than theirs.

Listening is probably the most important and undervalued skill we have and one I struggle with daily.  Listening is about giving the person who is speaking your full attention, showing them with your body language that you are listening and empathising with that person.

How teenagers say things to their parents can be more important than what they say – frequently, it is the emotion the teenager is trying to communicate which we need to be listening out for but this is often hidden beneath a whole load of “stuff” i.e. attitude, hostility, negativity etc.

When my daughter was at her most difficult, the issue she was most upset about frequently wasn’t the issue that she was ranting about, it often went much deeper – often associated with rejection/feeling rubbish about herself and I had to learn to listen carefully so I could help her process what was actually going on.   So, as a parent of a teenager, don’t just listen, try to work out what is really going on and learn to listen behind the words – sometimes you need the skills of Poirot!

There is no quick fix for building a good relationship with your teenager – it takes time, effort and loads of patience but it is well worth the effort (although it may not always feel like it!) so next time your teenager wants to talk to you, try to listen beneath the words and work out what is really going on – be patient, try not to react to their attitude and immediately start giving them a solution just listen (and show you are listening!), empathise, say as little as possible and see what happens!

 

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Ideas for supporting your child as they move to Heathfield Community School

Heathfield community schoolIf had known then what I know now, the transition to Heathfield for my eldest daughter might have caused fewer anxious thoughts over the summer before she started.

My children have enjoyed Heathfield  ( it was a real surprise to me that children could actually enjoy going to school but they have and do!)  and the school wants to make the transition as smooth and straightforward as possible for your children who are going in September

Therefore, I am running session on Wednesday 6 July, 6:30 PM-7:30 PM, in the Staff Room for parents whose children are going in September, I will be covering:

•    Preparing for the move to Heathfield – the ups and downs!
•    Building new friendships
•    How you could help your child manage their worries/concerns
•    Surviving the first day…

This is what some parents said about the last workshop I ran:

•    Very worthwhile – would definitely recommend!
•    Good to see we are not alone with teenage issues!
•    Very helpful – like the rest, they are great!

You can book your place by clicking on the link below:

http://preparingforheathfield.eventbrite.co.uk

I look forward to seeing some of you 6 July

Ruth

 

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Managing your child’s behaviour workshop on Monday 23 May, 6.15pm to 7.45pm at Heathfield School

We have had to rearrange themanaging teenagers 2 managing behaviour sessions booked for April and May and combined them into this session which is open to all parents at Heathfield School as well as those parents whose children will be coming to Heathfield in September.

 

This session will be relaxed and informal with an opportunity for you to ask any questions you may have. It is ideal for parents with children/teenagers from 10y to 16yrs!

It will focus on the key’s to positively managing your child’s behaviour, including:

  • Different approaches to managing behaviour
  • Easy ways to maintain boundaries and be consistency
  • Alternatives for dealing with conflict and negotiating with your child
  • Tips to stop nagging!

After this session you will go away with practical ideas and suggestions.

You can book your place by going to:

http://keys-to-managing-your-childs-behaviour.eventbrite.co.uk

I look forward to seeing you.

Ruth

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Rearranged – Workshops on ‘Managing Behaviour’ in April & May

managing teenagers

The next 2 sessions at Heathfield School will focus on helping parents to manage their teenager’s behaviour:

Managing behaviour 1 on Monday 18 April, 6:15 PM-7:30 PM  (Please note this workshop has moved from 14 March)

This session will cover:
• Planning for better behaviour
• How we all have different styles of parenting and the impact these styles have on our teenagers
•Managing boundaries
• Tips on improving consistency in terms of maintaining boundaries etc!

To book your place go to: www.managing-behaviour-1.eventbrite.co.uk

Managing behaviour 2 on Monday 16 May, 6:15 PM-7:30 PM

This session will cover:
• The nagging index
• Managing conflict
• Negotiating with our teenagers
• Finding the hidden goals behind behaviour
• What are appropriate punishments & rewards

To book your place go to: www.managing-behaviour-2.eventbrite.co.uk

I look forward to seeing some of you at these sessions.

Ruth

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Surviving homework, revision, exams and the stressed teenager!

stress and teenagers

This next session for parents whose children go to Healthfield School will be on Monday 29 February 6:15PM- 8PM

*Please note that this session is slightly longer as we feel this topic is particularly important.

Surviving homework, revision, exams and the stressed teenager! This session aims to help you to support your pre-teen/teenager in the preparation for GCSEs/school exams and will cover:

• What is learning and what we can do to help them learn without knowing anything about the subject!
• Motivating your teenager, including finding the best way of working for your teenager
• Different styles of revision
• How you can help your teenager to manage their stress including an introduction to mindfulness
• The delicate subject of how to encourage your pre-teen/teenager to get enough sleep!

To book your place go to: http://www.survivinghomeworkandexams.eventbrite.co.uk

This will be followed by a session on Monday 14 March, 6:15 PM-7:30 PM which will be the first of 2 sessions on managing behaviour – these sessions are particularly practical and you will have the opportunity to ask any questions you may have on managing behaviour etc.

This session will include:
• Planning for better behaviour
• How we all have different styles of parenting and the impact these styles have on our children
• It’s not what, it’s the HOW!
• Successfully negotiating and managing boundaries
• Tips on improving consistency in terms of maintaining boundaries etc!

To book your place go to: http://www.managing-behaviour-1.eventbrite.co.uk

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